Blackball

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Blackball is undoubtedly the darkest song of Josef's latest album. It is a personal reflection of his childhood trauma and a portrait of living with post-traumatic stress.

As a child, Josef was disciplined through physical punishment. Although his parents had the best intentions, it was deeply traumatizing for Josef and the disciplining was the main cause of Josef's mental health breakdown in summer 2020.

"I have one big, fat, black ... ball in my chest, and it won't go away" Josef sings, describing the chronic tension he has in his chest - with a pun intended.

This black ball is something Josef has lived with most of his life and throughout his life, and there has been a lot of frustration in not being able to free himself from Blackball.

"Blackball pierced my chest and pushed itself into my heart.

Now it's living there, giving me despair. I don't know what to do"

However, throughout the process of composing his latest album and working with his childhood trauma, Josef has come to peace with his childhood, forgiven his parents, and has learnt to accept Blackball compassionately as a part of himself. Through this acceptance, Blackball sometimes disappears, and Josef feels free as is expressed in the ending of Blackball.